Baby Time (archive)

November 14th was a Monday. We just got home from Michigan the night before and I had been at work all day long. While in Michigan we visited some family and friends, attended both an interview and wedding, and ran around like chickens with our heads cut off. As usual. I slept on the couch in my Parent’s house. The guest bed is just a wee bit too small for my thrashing husband and the selfish dog. Every so often my stomach would hurt. I chalked it up to the insane amounts of dairy I ate. The strange thing is that the stomach pain would only last maybe 1 – 2 minutes and in the time my first reaction was to eat something, which I did. It always helped. Odd.
So on Monday, November 14th I went to work and then went grocery shopping afterwards. I got home, put the groceries away, and proceeded to bother Jocelin and Erik as they studied for the immunology exam this Thursday. I am good at pestering :)
I was still thinking about that little stomach thing. It didn’t go away. Every few hours it would come back. I decided it couldn’t hurt to take a pregnancy test. I took the test and proceeded to busy myself with washing my hands and straightening the sink area. I didn’t want to look at it. When you take a pregnancy test I think there are two streams of thought. Watch it like a hawk to see if the little lines appear where you want them to, or ignore it. Previously I had employed the hawk version. I thought this would be a good opportunity to mix it up.
When I took a look at the little stick after about two minutes, there was a line that hadn’t been there before. I had to sit down. Huge implications. HUGE IMPLICATIONS.
Life changing, really.
There was a little plus sign in the space provided. I grabbed the instructions to check. Now I had done this some 10 times before. There had never been a plus sign before. But I didn’t want to jump to any conclusions. That is when I got so nervous I was visibly shaking. Plus sign meant pregnant. I was pregnant.
I am pregnant.
I wanted to tell Erik but Jocelin was there. I wanted to bounce off the walls and cry and scream and fall into a heap. Now, I am very excited, but my first reaction was: Holy crap. I am going to royally mess this kid up.
I pulled myself together, walked out of the bathroom and asked how long Jocelin was going to stay and study. It was already 9:30pm.
I went to the bedroom. I had an overwhelming desire to suddenly become as holy as possible in as short a time as possible. Bible. That is what I needed. I don’t want to screw this up. I started reading the Psalms. I watched some TV, read, shook, got nervous, almost broke into tears. FINALLY it was 11pm. Jocelin left and I called Erik in. The dog followed. I was in bed and he stood at the end of his side. I said, “Erik- you are going to be a Daddy”. He smiled and said, in true Psyche form “WHAAAAAAT!????” he gave me a hug.
So the thing is that now I am pregnant. I stopped taking the pill in August. I was sworn to secrecy. I am not really great with secrets. So we are getting ready to tell the world. I have an appointment with my OB/GYN Nurse on 11/28 and one for an ultrasound on 12/13.
I still really don’t want to screw this up. That is what I keep thinking.
It is all very surreal. Very distant feeling. I think telling people will make it more real, I mean come on- it isn’t like I can keep this a secret for 9 months :)
I also really want to talk to people about it. I am 85% overjoyed and 15% scared out of my pants.
But I guess that doesn’t matter now. The first thing I prayed was “Lord- this baby is yours. I have nothing to be afraid of. Just give it to you”
I think it is a boy.